10 ways to start loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved ... Part 2

6. Listen ... Many hear; few listen! Hearing what someone says is easy and involves minimal effort on my part. However, listening is an entirely different skill; yes, I said skill. I believe listening is a skill that does not come naturally for most and must be developed over time. Developing the skill of listening will require 3 things of me: 1. commitment to be a listener, 2. focus on the words, actions, and needs of another, and 3. response that is active, not passive. Being an active listener means I am secure enough with myself to put another first in the moment. I am willing to set my needs and wants aside to serve the needs and perhaps even wants of another.

7. Serve ... No one has ever lived who demonstrated more the meaning of loving oneself in a God-given way than Jesus. Yet Jesus' own words were, "I came to serve, not to be served." We have so many quotes, models, and stories that can be shared to illustrate the value of serving, yet we seem to have so few who live life with a servant's heart. Perhaps this is the very reason so many struggle with self-esteem, self-worth, and genuine love for themselves. Perhaps the primary reason for low value in oneself is rooted in self-focus. See, when we turn our eyes outward, our view looks very different. When I seek to serve others, I see my own needs and wants differently. As I pursue valuing others, I begin to discover my own value and gratitude begins to emerge.

8. Be Grateful ... serving will lead to a mindset of gratitude. Focusing on self, what I don't have, and what I want will lead me to comparison, discontentment, and insecurity rooted in selfishness with little room for love. When I seek to genuinely serve others, I begin to discover their value as well as gratitude for my own life. Gratitude moves me from selfish to service, from comparison to contentment, and from a lack of love and insecurity to a heart of love for self and others. Melody Beattie said this, "Gratitude makes sense of your past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." If I were to offer you a sense of understanding for your past, peace as you lived out today, and vision for your future, what would you pay for that secret? Gratitude is that secret and it is free!

9. Discover Jesus ... so many things that could be said here but I am going to keep this simple. Some reading this will embrace the idea of discovering Jesus with great enthusiasm and agreement. However, I encourage you not to let it stop there but to dig deeper in your discovery. Others will resist and reject this as me forcing religion on you when you thought this was just some positive life coaching. For you, I challenge you to at least consider what you may not have discovered. I cannot force this on anyone, but I can encourage some to dig deeper and challenge others to consider. The simple truth is there is no greater example of love, service, sacrifice, and transformation than Jesus. Dig deep and discover; be open to consider; there is nothing to be lost here and perhaps everything to be gained.

10. Love ... the simple truth is that to love myself I must simply embrace love. So many have no idea how to love themselves because that have rejected love and perhaps don't even realize they have. To be loved, I must love ... this is much more than feelings. I must love God; I must love others; I must love myself. Love driven by feelings is rooted in selfisness, whereas genuine love may produce feelings but is driven by selflessness. So how do I do this? 3 things to consider as you seek love: 1. embrace love in all its fullness as a God-given gift. Allow love to be part of who you are and welcome it into your life with selflessness at its core. 2. Put action to the previous 9 things shared. Know this is a process and will take time but it will only happen as action is your daily focus. 3. Love God and love others. There is no greater teacher of love than to love. When we do, we learn. When we do, we grow. When we do, we experience. When we do, we become.